It seems as though there are a lot of strong opinions on all three things (DUH) but mainly having a VBAC (vaginal birth after Cesarian). It seems like a lot of moms who opt to try for a VBAC feel "robbed" of natural birth, or feel like
"less of a woman" or that they "have failed". I feel none of these. Let me take you back a bit. When my midwife told me I was carrying twins, my first thought wasn't how their birth would affect me. I was terrified about
preterm birth. All my research in my 9 months of pregnancy was about saying calm, not overdoing it, and how to not go into preterm labor. Not how my babies would come into the world. My motto was "whatever keeps them
in, and gets them out safely, that's what I'm going to do" . At my 34 week ultrasound, we found out that both babies were STILL breech. My doctor (who was amazing and VERY open minded) said I could labor and birth naturally,
but that both babies would probably still be breech, and that I may still need a c section after one baby was born, I was too scared. I wanted to schedule a c section because I considered it a safer option (after A LOT of research)
for me, and for my babies. That was it. it was all about safety. And let me tell you now, after carrying my twins with no medical problems, no preterm labor, no complications of any kind to full term at 38weeks and 2 days,
the last thing I felt was that I was less of a woman, a failure, or any other thing. I was proud of my body. Proud of the fact that I had kept two babies safe and sound until it was their time to come.
Pride. And I happily walked into the operating room, as big as a house, with a smile on my face because I did it. My c section was in no way a failure, and in fact was a pretty awesome experience. They allowed my mom and my
husband in there with me, and I was able to snuggle a little with my babies before I went to recovery, and they went with Daddy and Mimi for about an hour before we were reunited. I was anxious to get back, but I never
felt deprived. Maybe it was because my priorities were a little different then. I never gave a second thought to breastfeeding, I thought it would just happen naturally, and honestly, I never even researched it. I planned on
nursing and pumping. I feel like my hubby and my mom had a special bonding time together, and that they may not get that kind of bonding time with them for a while, especially since I was breastfeeding. Plus I was able to
quietly reflect on what had just taken place, and was able to really remember it. I am thankful for it.
Once I got to my room I was able to hold and nurse the girls and everything was beautiful. I was nauseous, but amazing. I opted for no "calming cocktail" and was wide awake and complete coherent during the surgery.
In fact, I never thought of it as "my surgery" only as my girls birthday. After I left recovery, they never left my side (apart from getting a bath) No nursery, nothing. Two perfectly healthy baby girls. I did it. An accomplishment
and definitely not a failure!
As for my next baby, I do want to try a VBAC. Not because c sections are bad, I had an amazing experience with mine, but just because I can. I would love a waterbirth. I will try. And if it ends in a c section, then oh well!
I wont be heartbroken. Whatever is best for baby and me, that's what matters the most.
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